i cant

I'm writing this in yet another manic episode but this time its different. Im sitting here, constantly judging every choice I am making currently. I want to do what's best for my family, I want to thrive, I want to succeed, I want to do well for them. I want to make all of the …

Sex Ed

What has sexual education taught you? Sexual education taught me that I have 3 holes, and that's it. They taught me that I'm supposed to bleed once a month, and how to make a pad if I ever run out. Sexual Education never taught me about the numerous STDs, what a hymen was.. sexual education …

PTSD

I hate it. I hate the sleepless nights I have, my mind racing, envisioning events that happened; wrongs I did, and the general anxiety I had. Things could be as simple as me at 5 years old accidentally saying the wrong word, or me at 20 years old making mistakes that I can't turn back …

Neurodivergence and Motherhood

As soon as you are greeted with that sac in your womb, you are immediately met with unrealistic expectations of yourself not only as a vessel that brings nutrients to a growing parasite inside of you, but as a human being with emotions, feelings, wants, and needs, that are expected to be pushed aside as …

10 years

For weeks, I struggled with the idea of letting my barriers, my walls down. It was almost as if I was two different people, arguing and bickering with one another all the endless possibilities and assumptions that one person could make about the other. Some negative, some positive, and some that just left me wishing …

Christmas Grievance.

I didn't have the absolute greatest childhood a little kid could have, but I was surrounded by people that love and wanted the best for me. Even if it wasn't as conventional as most homes, and of course there was some red flags; being raised by people who were from the prime generation of racism, …

Heartbreak.

I don't mean your conventional heartbreak, I mean the heartbreak that sticks with you no matter what. That lingering feeling you get. Memories that are now just flashbacks, and flashbacks that are like knives to your chest. Stabbing every single point in your chest cavity all the way up to your trachea. The anxiety and …

Disclaimer

Sometimes, I feel like I should come with a disclaimer. A disclaimer that says: Warning! I am a ball of energy. I might talk your ear off about how the show I watched last night was funny, while also changing the subject 2,3, maybe 4 times because that moment in the show made me think …

Stronghold.

 We were born with a promise That you would never break my heart.  But the fate that was dealt upon us  Didn’t allow it to start  I confided in you, told you I love you And you said you love me too  Oh but you knew  You knew.  You call me the narcissist  But you …

I almost died.

A few days ago, I could have died (Anaphylaxis). I had a long talk with my partner, about how I felt about it. About hearing the EMTs say that my partner probably saved my life by calling them when he did. For 20-30 minutes during the time I was only able to barely see the …